Melancholy

     I have been in a bit of a melancholy mood this week. Not really depressed but maybe a light shade of blue. I have struggled with feelings of not belonging, always a sense that I never quite fit. There is something inside of me like a clock wound too tight; constantly striving to please but somehow never measuring up. I find myself, once again, contemplating a broken spirit. Perhaps there are yet those areas not completely healed but scarred over.

     Dan suggested the cause could simply be fatigue. In fact that is very often the culprit. My most recent endeavor has been painting the wood work in the house. It has been very slow going. Not only is it a tedious task, my body rebels and frequently stalls out. My mental flag has never flown full mast but as of late, there have been many white flag days of total surrender.  Once the floors were done, the worn trim was glaring. As the trim gets a face lift, I notice how the ceilings look dingy. To the ceiling observation, Dan simply silently retreated to his office.



     And so it is with life. As we grow in our spiritual walk, God brings out all the dinginess a bit at a time and gives us a fresh look. Once He cleans up one area, He in His mercy and kindness moves us to another. I have asked Him if this week was from fatigue, insecurities or is there yet something else He is calling us to put aside. It possibly is a combination of the three.



     There is no conscious reason to feel blue. No concerns out of the ordinary to fret about. I thought of two dear friends who have recently lost spouses. Others dear to us are struggling with other serious difficulties. As I pray for them in their situations, I ask God to always remind me of my many blessings; even the melancholy because I know He continues to work in me.

     One afternoon this week there was a knock at the kitchen door. Our friend Ed appeared with a homemade pie and a small gift. He just wanted us to know he loved us and was thinking of us. The pie was chocolate of course. God don’t mess around! I love these Heavenly messengers unaware.

     Tonight was our monthly “SIS” meeting. It was my turn to provide the meal.  I am always more than happy to boil and burn something up for them. I was grocery shopping on an empty stomach which was my first mistake. I heard a small child ask her mom to bake strawberry cupcakes. That sounded like a great idea so I baked some for our desert tonight. When I realized I had not included chocolate in the menu, I made another dash to the store. Showing up at a “Sisters in Survival” meet and eat without chocolate –now that is something to be concerned about!

    Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6 (NIV)